Holy Cross Lutheran Church - Toms River, NJ

Not so long ago I was accused of being an ageist. I was asked to guess an elderly lady’s age. I believe I was off by only a couple years but the point is that I guessed too high! Thus, an ageist.

It was all in good fun.

But sitting in Holy Cross Lutheran Church, I thought of that accusation again. Besides two kids and a teenager, my boyfriend and I were the only young people sitting in the congregation. And I started wondering if feeling weird about this fact really did pin me as an ageist. Political-correctness paranoia crept up behind me, tapped me on the back and said, “You’re the only young one! And that shouldn’t bother you, because everyone is equal! But it does bother you just a little bit, doesn’t it?!!” … followed by an evil, triumphant laugh.

Honestly, I’m trying very hard to find a polite way to say that the 10:45AM service was pretty much exclusively elderly people. Maybe personifying paranoia isn’t polite. But it’s all I got.

I originally felt that I needed to tiptoe around this fact, the age of the group, because the world has taught me that it’s not kosher to point out groups of people and their defining characteristic. But that characteristic was so blatantly obvious in such a small space, that it would have taken more than I had in my possession to ignore it.

All I could think about was how young I felt sitting there and how out of place that made me feel. We stuck out like sore thumbs. I’m not saying anyone in the church made us feel that way. On the contrary, we both felt very welcome. More on that later.

“Oh my goodness, is traditional religion becoming a thing of the past, completely? Where are the new faces?” I said as we drove away. Or, I mean, I don’t remember my words verbatim. But, you get the idea. Where is our generation? Are we all too hung over for church? Are we going to more modern churches only? Are we simply uninterested?

I noticed age gaps at Plymouth in MA too. I didn’t mention this in my post because it didn’t stick out noticeably enough to take a large role in the general story of the church... Children ran in at the end of the service and there was a sprinkling of young faces. But for the most part, the congregation there was aging too.

Of course, at Holy Cross, there was an earlier service for 9:00AM with a Sunday School service scheduled for the same time. So to be fair, I could assume that the younger population (the ones with young kids) goes to the earlier service so they can listen to the message in peace while their little ones are tucked away in a classroom.

But I can only report on what I saw last Sunday.

As far as I can tell, the Lutheran branch of Christianity is fairly close to Catholicism. The service followed a predetermined pattern and every step along the way was outlined in the bulletin. (I was desperately figuring out how to discreetly find one of these bulletins after we arrived a little late when a lady came to us in our pews and delivered some, apologizing for having missed us come in.) Traditional hymns were sung and the congregation participated directly in the service through answering back certain lines such as “Thanks be to God” and verses of a Psalm read aloud. The congregation also made the sign of the Holy Cross and gathered (by pew) to the front of the church to receive communion toward the close of the service.

What stuck out to me to be the most different about the service as compared to places I have previously visited was the “Exchange of Peace.” Almost every church I have gone to has had their variation of this. It is a time to turn to your neighbors beside, in front of, and behind you to say a simple “hello.” At the evangelical, less traditional, churches I have visited so far (Millington, Stonecrest) this time is open to interpretation. At St. Vincent’s and Plymouth, people said “Peace be with you” or some variation.

But at all places, this time was limited to no more than I would say about a minute or two and people greeted only those directly in their vicinity.

Holy Cross was very robust about their greeting time. “Peace be with you” was still the popular greeting of choice. But the people of the congregation travelled around the sanctuary during the greeting time, making the rounds. Choir members came down all the way to the last pew. People in the last pew went down to the middle. One of the little girls from the first pew ran to the back to give a friend a hug.

At one point I wondered if we ought to travel too. And my boyfriend asked if we ought to and I said no. We had no one to travel to and I honestly felt a little awkward about the idea of traveling to people at random.

No, but really, I thought it would be better to stay put. And some of the friendliest and most welcoming members of the congregation came to us. We were greeted many times and the whole thing felt warm and heartfelt. I believe that if I were to become a member of this church, actively involved and part of the community, this portion of the service would quickly become my favorite.

The sermon was good too. The delivery was a little dry, but the message to “turn the other cheek,” was delivered with just enough of a challenge to avoid being too in-your-face without sacrificing the you-need-to-act punch.

Bottom line though, I would feel most comfortable worshipping in a place that I saw as vibrant and growing, with which I could vibrantly grow myself. And I didn’t see enough to believe that Holy Cross was doing that.